In the coming days I will be writing 5 different blog posts on relationship red flags, mainly focusing on red flags that women can notice in men while dating (although some can apply both ways).
After doing sessions for over ten years and relationships being one of my specialties, I have noticed a pattern of red flags that many women seem to disregard and then end up in a dysfunctional relationship.
So let’s begin with the 5th relationship red flag…
THE PERFECTIONIST
The perfectionist archetype is characterized by always striving for the “perfect” solution in order to never find one. These men tend to be self-improvement junkies, health club fanatics and/or workshop addicts. They never feel ready to commit to accomplish anything much because the underlying thought is “it isn’t quite right for me”.
Goal: seeks better life
Fear: depth/discovery
Issue: running from the inner self
These men are forever dissatisfied with something, if not “everything “. And this is the BIG problem, they are forever dissatisfied with themselves because there is always something wrong or not quite right within them. Of course they will rarely admit that they feel something is wrong with them, but rather they will project this onto the world and other people.
He Is Perfect!
At first the hardcore perfectionist man might seem very attractive because he is constantly striving to make himself better. One of the biggest complaints women have about men is that they aren’t open to change and more often than not they are not willing to do the inner healing work.
So when a perfectionist man appears and he exudes this aura of improvement and success, women think that this is the perfect man. However, even though he might appear to have reached success in some areas of his life, the truth is that he is never satisfied with anything, including you.
The perfectionist will always think that there is something you could change or do better. And even when you follow all their suggestions, it will never be enough.
Fixing The Mirror
It’s quite common knowledge in the spiritual and self-help communities that relationships serve as mirrors. Other people reflect to us what WE need to work on ourselves.
The perfectionist man however will not see you as a mirror for his biggest blindspots. Sure, he will see you as a mirror for the things he is willing to heal and change. But usually there is something very deep, perhaps a lack of self love, a deep seated anger or unresolved feelings of abandonment that it will be almost impossible for him to become aware of.
It is unlikely that he will be willing to accept that the feelings you are somehow activating/triggering in him spawn from his own unresolved issues.
Instead of looking within and fixing what you as his beloved are mirroring, he will try to fix you by making you believe that you are the problem and it is you that has to change. He might not directly say it but his discontent will say just enough.
Perfectionist and Narcissistic? Run for your life!
A man who is both a perfectionist and a narcissist is the ultimate recipe for disaster. There is a type of narcissistic man that believes he is The BEST and he deserves only the best. Even when they appear to be spiritual, they will often brag about, in the most “humble” of ways of course, their abilities, traits and skills.
This type of man desperately wants to make everyone believe, including himself, that he is BETTER and SUPERIOR or even MORE SPIRITUAL than others. This comes from a high need of significance.
Humans have 6 basic human needs and being unique/significant is one of them. The narcissist loves feeling significant and getting attention.
When you are in a relationship with this type of man he will make you feel like you are the BEST woman ever. But don’t be fooled, you are the best woman ever because you are with him otherwise he wouldn’t be with you. This feeling will not last because you will always live under his shadow and he will make sure to let you know it.
When there is a problem or argument in the relationship it will always be your fault. Even when he “takes responsibility” deep down inside he is thinking that it is you who were wrong, it is you who didn’t do enough and it is you who should change.
This type of man is very likely to be unfaithful and lie to you.
How To Avoid This Type of Relationship
We all have to some degree the perfectionist archetype within us. The issue with perfectionism becomes a relationship red flag when the sense of perfectionism has become an obsession.
An easy way to tell if a perfectionist has gone too far is if you can feel that they are never truly happy and satisfied with life as it is. A genuine smile can never be faked.
Another sign is that the perfectionist will always try to maintain his appearance of perfection to others. On social media you will look like the “perfect” couple while deep down inside you know the relationship you have is far from perfect.
The best way to avoid attracting a perfectionistic partner is to clear the energetic blockages within you (soul fragments, karmic imprints, beliefs, unresolved emotions) that resonate with the frequency of perfectionism. Inside the 5D Relationship Manifestation Portal you can experience a profound clearing of the top energetic blockages that sabotage relationships and keep you in a relationship karmic loop.
Change and raise your frequency, only then will you manifest a relationship that is in line with your Higher Self.
P.S: this red flag can also apply to spiritual teachers, mentors and coaches.